


Loyalty

by lori (zakhad), zakhad



Series: Virtue and Principle [1]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Post-Endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:14:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23496619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zakhad/pseuds/lori, https://archiveofourown.org/users/zakhad/pseuds/zakhad
Summary: Just when you think it's over...Right when Voyager returns home, following Admiral Janeway's intervention, Chakotay decides to embark on a mission of his own choosing, leaving Kathryn to deal with post-Dominion War Starfleet.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Series: Virtue and Principle [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1701805
Comments: 62
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SeemaG](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeemaG/gifts).



> 1\. I read very little Trek fic, so this is wholly unlikely to serve anyone's fanon/headcanon and resemblance to other fic is coincidental. I do however visit Memory Alpha/Beta for research purposes and binge watch Voyager on the regular.
> 
> 2\. I attempt to foreshadow and plot. Twists likely.

Kathryn Janeway stood on the balcony of her apartment overlooking San Francisco Bay, and smiled the satisfied smile of the triumphant.

She was ignoring appeals for interviews until after the debriefings, which would start tomorrow. Arriving home after years of travel from the Delta Quadrant had been unexpected and so, so satisfying -- the crew she considered family were no longer at risk of assimilation, annihilation, or other random modes of destruction such as they had faced daily. Most of them had settled into 'fleet housing temporarily, until the debriefings were concluded. Many had already been offered plum assignments all over the Alpha Quadrant. Seven of Nine had even been approached already by the Daystrom Institute. Just twenty-four hours after _Voyager_ dropped out of warp in the Sol system, major changes were in the air!

Sipping her coffee, Kathryn realized it was cooling in the coastal breezes, and turned to go inside for a warm-up. As she poured, she thought about last night... Chakotay had been an attentive lover, and they were both high on the joy of accomplishment. She'd awakened that morning to a rose on his pillow, nothing more, and smiled. One of his plans for today had been visiting the crew, talking to all of them, encouraging them and calming anxiety. Admiral Nechayev had already reassured them that pardons were a guarantee, for all the former Maquis. Their Starfleet crew had been anxious on the behalf of their former Maquis co-workers, and the former Maquis anxious for each other and themselves.

She went to the table in the corner, to sit and look out the windows over the city and the bay, savoring the view she'd never had on _Voyager_. This apartment was intended to be temporary, but she liked the location and the space well enough that she was considering making it a more permanent solution. She thought that teaching at the Academy for a semester or two would be a good stopgap while she decided whether or not to accept one of the long-range exploratory vessels currently in production. Chakotay had talked about teaching archaeology and not much more, and she wouldn't want to leave him behind; while he decided what he wanted she could mark time.

When she'd floated that idea to him last night, he'd laughed. But she wasn't what she'd been before. The Delta Quadrant had tried, tested and nearly crushed her. Having him to hold the line, to back her up and stand in for her, to check her when she'd needed to be confronted or called out when she'd lost objectivity, had been her saving grace. Chakotay would find out that she meant it. Words were cheap. She had left Mark on a brief assignment and that had been the end of a marriage she'd looked forward to; she wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

A polite ping disrupted her enjoyment of her third cup of fresh-ground, fresh-brewed, 100% authentic coffee, black. It took her a moment to recognize the civilian version of the tone notifying her that she had a message. "Computer, play message."

A hologram of Chakotay sprang into being above the clear surface of the table. All the surfaces in the apartment were computer interfaces; how things had changed while she was gone. "Kathryn," he said warmly. "I'm timing this so that you hopefully get it before anyone else has a chance to tell you... I owe you that much." As he spoke his tone saddened. Kathryn put down the mug. Already she was thinking about how to find him and talk about this, whatever it was, in person. The hologram bowed his head, then raised it again, his eyes serious.

"I found out that there are still Maquis left. An old friend, an escapee of the camps in the Gamma Quadrant, got in touch -- and he said there are still active Dominion prisons out there full of people of all kinds, including Maquis. The Jem'hadar being programmed as they are, some of them are running the prisons unaware of the end of the war, because they were running silent. So for the past few months, I've been talking to B'Elanna and some of the others, and we're going to mount a rescue. Starfleet isn't doing anything about it, so we'll step in. Again. Stand up for the people they've abandoned. I'm sorry to have to tell you this way. I'm sorry that this is likely destroying what we could have had. But I know that you would have left me for space eventually, and this is only freeing you to do that sooner. I love you, Kathryn, please don't doubt that for a minute. I always will."

The hologram smiled, and then winked out.

She sat like a statue for a while -- long enough that when she picked up her mug again it was stone cold.

She threw it down on the table, coffee and shards spreading out across the surface.

A movement out of the tail of her eye brought her attention around -- _Voyager_ rose from the park, into the clear blue sky. She watched open-mouthed as it flew away out of sight.

Anger blossomed in her chest, like a white dwarf.

_They'd better give me a fast ship._

"Damn you," she growled, almost knocking her chair over in her haste to go exchange the white robe for a uniform.

She had work to do. It was time to finish the mission -- find Chakotay.

This time, without the long detour through another quadrant....


	2. Chapter 2

"You have to understand... the Dominion War nearly decimated us," Owen said, practically under his breath. As if he might be scolded for saying it.

Janeway paced the length of the admiral's living room. Holding a hand to her forehead, she tried to think of how she would get more information.

The admirals she'd spoken to at Command had refused to give her a ship. All vessels, she'd been told, were either shoring up defenses or shuttling people and resources around the Alpha Quadrant in support of the post-war reconstruction. Admiral Hayes had informed her that _Voyager_ had been picked up on sensors, but the alarm hadn't been sounded as the assumption had been made that the vessel was heading to McKinley Station. Starships didn't belong in Golden Gate Park, however dramatic it had been to allow it.

She'd arrived at the Paris household slightly earlier than scheduled for dinner, Owen had indulged her, listened to her, and repeated the same basic message the other admirals had given her.

"There are Federation citizens, in these prisons," she exclaimed. "I can't believe none of you have done anything!"

Owen's face was set in firm, unrelenting and apologetic lines. "The Federation you left behind doesn't exist any more, Kathryn," he said softly as he sat in that faded green chair, angled toward the window just so. The big window with a good view of the sky, as dusk was falling. Had he spent time there at night, gazing up at the stars, thinking about his son and _Voyager_? The Pathfinder Project had been his attempt to find them. Starfleet had backed it. Missives received by _Voyager_ had all been encouraging -- _we're still looking for you, we won't stop trying to find a way...._

But now, those all rang hollow. Had it just been PR and nothing more? Vague reassurances were definitely a cheap way to pay lip-service to those vaunted principles they all signed up to follow. Now that they were home, it was clear that Owen was right; things were very different indeed.

"Did you know about it," Kathryn blurted, standing stiffly over her old friend and mentor. "Did you know there were Federation citizens, former Maquis, Starfleet officers and others in those derelict prisons?"

He looked tired. And judging from what she had heard so far about the latter months of the war, just since she had been back, he had good reason to be. "Kathryn... sit down."

"I have to go," she repeated, shaking her head, realizing that at first she thought she'd meant leaving to follow _Voyager_. But it was obvious that Owen Paris couldn't help her, and wouldn't. She couldn't tell him what she intended to do. It would only implicate him if she had to resort to desperate measures.

It settled in the pit of her stomach then, that 'desperate measures' were exactly what she would have to resort to, if Starfleet wasn't going to let her go.

He didn't stop her. Outside, on the walk in front of the house, she paused and looked across the street at the modern home on the other side -- very like every other home in the neighborhood, including the one she'd just left. 

Such a very ordinary place, this subdivision in San Francisco, and it felt unreal to her. She wished it could feel real again.

It crashed down on her like a wave then, that Owen had said nothing at all about B'Elanna or the baby. _Nothing at all._ Had Tom been lying about talking to his father?

She was tempted for a second to go back inside and ask.

"Kathryn?"

She whirled -- Owen stood in the door, watching her.

"Come inside, please."

Kathryn approached slowly but stopped in front of him without closing that last few feet of distance. "Have you spoken to Tom?"

His expression flashed through woe, shock, and stabilized again. "Not since your return. I expected the quarantine until the conclusion of the briefings to keep him from making contact."

Kathryn gaped at that. _Quarantine?_ They weren't prevented from seeing family! From discussing anything with family members, yes, but not from spending time with the people they had missed for so long!

"You're going to tell me that there's no quarantine," Owen said grimly, proving she'd given it all away just with the look on her face. "Kathryn... has my son gone away with this man who stole _Voyager_?"

"I don't know," she replied, realizing that she'd been so caught up in mounting the pursuit that she hadn't considered just who had gone with Chakotay. He'd mentioned B'Elanna by name. She'd assumed the other Maquis would have gone as well. Tom taking the baby and going with them hadn't clicked as a possibility somehow. He _might_ be at their small apartment over in 'fleet housing with Miral, but he might not.

"He said this woman he married, B'Elanna -- she was Maquis. If it's what you say, Chakotay wanting to rescue some of his fellow Maquis, did she go with him?"

"I don't know." Kathryn hated to keep saying it. But this had caught her flatfooted. She hadn't reacted as Captain Janeway. She'd spent her time these past few hours ruminating and regretting. Now she wished she'd taken a head count. She was wasting time.

"Kathryn." His serious tone had an edge to it, less friend than admiral. When she met his eyes, they'd gone hard. "You're still in shock, aren't you?"

"We've been back for _one day_. They took the ship and left -- did Starfleet really just _let them go_? I can't get any answers! I don't know if they were apprehended. If they got away, if they were destroyed, I know _nothing_ except that Chakotay left me a message telling me what he had planned, for _weeks_ \-- I have no idea how many of the others went with him!"

"Come back inside. I'll make a call."


	3. Chapter 3

Kathryn had to endure the first day of the debriefing, had to table all the frustration of delaying her departure to look for Chakotay. Delayed even the process of checking in with her crew to see who was missing -- it led to being almost dismissive of admirals questioning her decision to help the Ocampa and several other decisions she'd made, which in turn led to being pulled aside as she tried to leave Command by Admiral Hayes.

"I don't want to seem rude, Admiral, but I really do need to -- "

Hayes held up both hands. "Kathryn," he said, with a familiarity and warmth that was unwarranted. "We know you're anxious about _Voyager_. You can rest assured that we're monitoring the situation."

This was the first hint that anyone was even paying attention. "Are you saying you know where the ship is? Is Starfleet going to do something?"

"We are of course tracking the vessel and there will be vessels intercepting before _Voyager_ reaches Deep Space Nine."

Kathryn started to shake her head, glancing left and right down the hallway outside the briefing room -- Admirals Nechayev and Reyes were walking away from them, about to turn the corner and be gone. "And then what?"

Hayes wasn't unsympathetic, to all appearances. "You know how this sort of situation _can_ go, certainly."

Kathryn put her hands on her hips automatically, leaning in slightly. "Admiral. All due respect, but in fact, I have been away for a long time. And from what I've seen so far, Starfleet and the Federation are quite different in a number of ways from what I knew before. The war, certainly, played a part. But what I know from hard experience is that the choices we make in response to dire situations are well within our control. I want to know, is Chakotay right? Are we honestly abandoning people?"

His resigned expression suggested she was getting confirmation. But he said, "War brings out the worst in people. All kinds of rumors started while we were caught up in it and some persist today -- I can't tell you how many conspiracy theories and half-truths have been floating around, we've investigated and disproved numerous versions of the notion that somewhere, someone's loved one is still alive stuck on a remote planet or in a room somewhere on Cardassia, or the Romulans are capturing Federation citizens and hiding them -- Kathryn, people are still scared. I understand why. No one believed the war would make it all the way to the core worlds of the Federation, but then it did, and we're still caught up in the fear that it could happen again."

"Why aren't you answering a simple question? Are there still prisons in the Gamma Quadrant with Federation citizens in them?" She tried to keep her voice down, mindful of their surroundings, knowing that security at Command was tight and tolerance for any hint of threat was likely very low.

"We don't know," he said. "And surely you know that with resources spread thin -- "

"So _let them go,_ let them explore the possibility," she exclaimed. Mostly to test his response, though part of her was getting to the conclusion that it might be the only way to help people who needed it. Chakotay could _not_ be haring off on just a rumor, part of her insisted. There had to be something compelling him. After Seska's treachery he couldn't have been so gullible!

Hayes stared at her -- the shift from apologetic to concerned was worrying. 

"Are we no longer following up on distress calls? Helping people in need? Nechayev just informed me that _Voyager_ is probably going to be a museum, rather than returning to active duty. So what loss is there in letting them go?"

"Kathryn," he said patiently, as if chiding a small child. "Go home. I'll see you tomorrow."

She nodded curtly and strode off. It was interesting... now that she had started to pay more attention, she saw what she had dismissed. As they'd approach Earth, while she was anticipating celebrations and seeing family again, Chakotay had been less enthusiastic. More thoughtful. And her playful chiding had elicited from him a shrug and a question, did she think everything would be the same as it had been seven years before, when she'd set off on _Voyager_ 's maiden voyage? They had, as the ship approached home, been able to access news feeds and Starfleet systems. While most of the crew were checking on the family and friends they hadn't seen in years, Chakotay pointed out, it would do her well to look at what no one else aboard was able to access. There were general orders that Starfleet revised occasionally, on more secure channels. There were news feeds to which only captains and above were privy. And while she'd glanced at them, she hadn't taken the time to really consider themes, to compare them to what she'd remembered from years before. 

Now that Chakotay had stolen her ship away, she had to believe he hadn't just nudged her out of curiosity -- he'd been telling her something. In her excitement she'd forgotten how to listen to her first officer.

As she left the building, started to walk down the street away from the main administrative building on the campus of Starfleet Command, her badge chirruped. She stopped near an unoccupied bench facing a fantastic holographic fountain and said, "Janeway here."

"Captain," Tuvok said. "I have completed a census of our crew remaining on Earth, as requested. As you thought, the majority of those not accounted for are former Maquis. Tom Paris was also aboard."

"Thank you, Tuvok. I just got out of the first day of debriefing -- I expect you will be called upon tomorrow," she said. "Were you able to contact Chakotay?"

"I was unable to reach him, as you were. I would anticipate that he has modified certain ship's systems to avoid being found too quickly. I cannot see how he would expect to evade capture for very long, traveling through Federation territory, without disconnecting the transponder beacon and maintaining a communications blackout. Do you intend to pursue him?"

Kathryn squinted up at the sky. A flock of seagulls wheeled around, gliding down to land on the pavement near the fountain. She glanced around; no one was within earshot, that she could see. She felt suddenly very alone and vulnerable, thinking about Chakotay being gone, especially after the trio of admirals questioned decision after decision, picked apart her log entries. 

"If you are," Tuvok continued, after her lack of response, "I would caution you not to consider going alone."

She laughed, her hands landing on her hips again, as she paced in a tight circle around the bench. "Are you volunteering, my friend?"

"I am currently in the apartment assigned to me by Starfleet. Should you wish to discuss this further, I would welcome you here." 

"Thank you, Tuvok. I'll be there in a while."

At least she still had friends. Though if she thought about Chakotay at all, it was like an open wound. She continued to walk, hoping that by the time she'd reached the Starfleet housing complex four blocks away, she would feel calmer. Nothing was going to feel better any time soon, she thought, but at least calm would be a good place to start.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the thing I intended to be short and bittersweet is turning into a bigger thing...
> 
> I am attempting to be canon compliant save for the matter of C/7. I reserve the right to commit minor canon violations for the sake of plot.

"There is a high probability," Tuvok said, standing in front of the window with the sunset at his back, "that you are about to suggest that we do something about this."

Kathryn paced past Seven, sitting far too stiffly in an upholstered deep easy chair the color of grass. Tuvok's sparse little apartment reminded her of the dorms at the Academy. "Are you suggesting that we just _sit here_?"

"I encourage you to recognize what are likely signs that you are experiencing post traumatic stress. Your inability to sit still suggests it. We have just returned from the Delta Quadrant and you have not been assessed by counselors, however, I believe that I know you well enough to -- "

"Tuvok!" She held up both hands, bracketing her head, freezing in place before cascading into a tantrum. Forcing herself to relax, drop her arms, take a deep breath, she planted them once again on her hips and scowled at the sea green area rug in the middle of the laminate floor. _Whoever decorated 'fleet housing needs some classes in interior decorating._ She shook her head, as she recognized that she really was as bad as Tuvok said.

"I agree with the captain," Seven said smoothly.

Kathryn smiled at the young woman, now wearing warm but casual clothing; she wondered what Seven had been doing with her free time and no astrometrics lab, but apparently shopping or perhaps time with the replicator had taken some small fraction of it.

"We cannot do nothing," Seven continued. "As you have already requested help from admirals, tried to contact Chakotay, and attempted to identify which of your crew members participated in the theft of _Voyager_ , there is only one thing left to do."

"And that is?" Kathryn asked patiently, thinking she knew.

"We must wait until we know what to do," Seven said, without a trace of amusement or irony.

Another long, deep inhalation. A long exhale. Kathryn paced to the tiny nook where the replicator was -- not as dramatic as all that given it took only four steps -- crossed her arms, and turned to face the two most rational people she knew. "If we wait, they may somehow get past Starfleet and vanish into the Gamma Quadrant."

"Is that not what happened to _Voyager?_ " Seven asked.

"Seven... some of our family just embarked on an ill-advised self-appointed mission," Kathryn said. "Don't you feel any concern?"

"Yes. However, I was not asked to go with them, and I have been given to understand that many of the crew would indeed be reassigned or, in the case of a few who did not intend to continue in Starfleet, depart and return to their home planets. Is this not one possible choice for them to make?"

"Yes, I suppose in a manner of speaking, but -- surely you see the difference?"

"You appear to think that you need to do something, because the admirals are not concerned. It does not follow that Starfleet is doing nothing, simply because they are not telling you what they are doing," Seven continued. "I do not believe they owe you an explanation of their actions in this matter. You have made this point to me in the past, that a commanding officer does not need to explain their reasoning."

This time, Kathryn had to hold her breath for a minute, so as not to snap at them. "Admiral Hayes told me what they are doing. They intend to stop them before the ship can go through the wormhole at Bajor, into the Gamma Quadrant. Which likely doesn't require much effort on anyone's part. It's certain that Starfleet already has a significant presence at the wormhole since the end of the war, it would be shortsighted not to, after the Dominion used it to nearly decimate the Alpha Quadrant. But I think we need to find Chakotay before he gets there."

"Has Starfleet agreed to give you a vessel with which to pursue him?" Tuvok asked.

"No," Kathryn had to admit.

"Do we have access to an alternate means of transportation with which we have a chance of keeping up with _Voyager?_ " Seven asked.

Kathryn shook her head. "Seven. These people are our _family_. More than just a crew. And think about what Chakotay will _attempt_ to do, he'll be up against Starfleet vessels trying to get to the wormhole. We have to find a way to either communicate or reach them."

"They are choosing to go, and you also have a choice," Tuvok said. "It seems that Chakotay has taken his Maquis to rescue other Maquis." He had taken a seat in the corner near the window, his fingers steepled in front of him, still wearing his uniform. The same one she wore -- the same version, years out of date. She had intentionally worn it to the briefing, too. She'd done it without thinking much about it, and now it occurred to her to wonder.

"They aren't _just Maquis_ ," she said softly. "Tuvok. Those prisons, it isn't just former Maquis in them." It was disturbing to hear him revert to old labels.

"I have been on rescue missions many times throughout my Starfleet career. It is difficult to believe that nothing is being done, if these facilities exist," Tuvok said. "You did say Admiral Hayes seems to feel the hypothetical prison camps are nothing but a rumor. And if Chakotay and the others are acting without Starfleet's approval, they are indeed returning to vigilante status."

Kathryn stopped pacing and crossed her arms, looking down at her old friend. He gazed up at her with his implacable calm. "If we were still in the Delta Quadrant and Chakotay said, there is a member of our crew in that prison, would you think this way?"

He gazed up at her intently over his fingertips. "I do not know why Chakotay and the others did this, and they are not doing it to rescue another member of our crew. In fact, Captain, I would submit that you no longer have a crew. I was informed, as were we all, that there are promotions and opportunities elsewhere, and we will all be reassigned. I have over the past months noticed changes in your behavior, and Commander Chakotay's as well, and while I have not questioned it openly I am curious if both his actions and your unusual state of emotional reactivity at this time are a result of those changes."

Kathryn sighed heavily and resumed pacing. Tuvok was right. She'd changed, after the experience on Quarra. But she hadn't thought that the changes were so obvious. It occurred to her then that she hadn't asked some of the more obvious questions. "Did Chakotay talk to either of you about this?"

"No. I suspect that he only spoke to those that he anticipated would agree to go with him," Tuvok said.

"I did not speak to him either. I would have informed you, if he had said anything about this endeavor." Seven watched her pace. "Do you feel that he is doing the right thing, then?"

"I would have anticipated that Chakotay would have discussed the matter with you," Tuvok went on.

As she would have, in fact. Kathryn stopped and faced the window. Sunlight on the trees outside in the quad, patches of blue sky through the leaves, and silence. Earth felt so surreal, to her. In moments when she wasn't actively engaged with some conversation or task, if she let herself slow down enough, she found herself adrift. Without the structure of _Voyager_ and working to get her crew home, she felt listless and strange. Not what she had anticipated feeling once back on Earth.

It didn't help that the admirals were so cold. And Owen -- she remembered him being so much stronger and outspoken. He had made inquiries and informed her that there was little he could do, that he was sorry. It was not what she'd expected. Her old friend had changed in her long absence, in ways she found disturbing.

And, now that she was picking through toward a solution for this odd situation, it occurred to her that she had never actually engaged in serious conversation about the future with Chakotay. After being recovered from Quarra and the subsequent period of introspection that led to the decision to revisit the matter of their relationship, she'd broached the subject over dinner, and then the long slow progression of a close friendship to something romantic had commenced. She had enjoyed feeling loved again, and finally found herself in his arms. And contrary to her initial misgivings about their professional lives being compromised, nothing changed. 

Well, _everything_ changed, but they continued to work together well. He had continued to be as he had been, a trustworthy first officer focused on running the ship. 

And then they found the nebula. One minute they were deciding to avoid that nebula full of odd wormholes, the next Admiral Janeway had sent them careening through a series of events that ended in Golden Gate Park. Chakotay had said nothing that even hinted at a plan to steal _Voyager_ and rescue....

Or had he?

This would take some thought. She decided she needed to walk down memory lane, all the conversations over lunch or dinner, all the times he mentioned his sister's messages, or others he'd gotten in the monthly data streams. Had she missed hints? There was no way he could have actually _planned_ to do this -- no way for him to predict they would be on Earth any time soon. Their expectation had been years of travel, barring the discovery of some method of transwarp or a wormhole. Maybe he was taking _Voyager_ somewhere to then take the time to prepare to launch a rescue effort. She did need some repairs and supplies. They'd been in a constant state of procurement for years. 

She almost put forth her theory, but her comm badge interrupted. "Kim to Janeway."

"Janeway here."

Harry's voice was higher-pitched than usual. "I just saw on the news that someone stole _Voyager_?"

"Harry, I'm at Tuvok's, with Tuvok and Seven. We're discussing the situation."

"I'll be there in a minute -- I'm across the way."

He wasn't kidding. Within minutes the door chime rang. Janeway glanced at Tuvok, who said, "Come in."

Harry was out of breath coming in, not in uniform, looking as though he just woke up. He wore a short-sleeved blue shirt and his uniform pants. "Captain," he said urgently.

"How are you, Harry?"

Her question, or perhaps her unhurried tone asking it, seemed to calm him. He glanced at Seven, then back at her. "I'm okay. I went out with some of the others yesterday, to a bar. I slept in, had lunch with my parents, and when I got back to my place I started looking at the newsfeeds -- are they going to get the ship back? Do we know who stole it?" He looked around the room again, and seemed puzzled.

Looking for everyone else, she realized. This was going to be the way it went. Every member of her crew, her _former_ crew, she corrected herself, who she spoke to about this, she would have to explain.

"What we know so far," Kathryn began, and then she recognized that she had not even explained it this way to Tuvok. "After we landed the ship and Admiral Paris and all the others from Command came out to greet us, after we were all given quarters here at 'fleet Housing, I located and opted for a small apartment in Golden Gate Heights. I was there until this morning, dealing with a lot of admirals and sending messages. I got a message from Chakotay in the afternoon telling me that he was going to rescue people from abandoned prisons in the Gamma Quadrant because Starfleet wasn't doing anything."

Summarizing it that way had an immediate impact. Harry was the first to react. "But... why didn't he tell you that before?"

"I wish that I knew," Kathryn said wistfully.

"Wait," Harry exclaimed, raising a hand as if signaling them to stop. "Wait! Is Tom -- Did he and B'Elanna go with Chakotay? I was wondering why he didn't come out with us! But we figured they were spending time with the baby! But then I've been trying to contact him all day today, and no answer!"

Kathryn thought about Owen, and the last conversation she'd had with him that morning, before the meeting with the other admirals. "I think they must have gone with _Voyager_. I haven't heard anything from either of them."

Harry was unhappy but thoughtful. "I knew neither of them was really all that happy about coming to Earth, but I didn't think they'd steal the ship!"

Kathryn happened to be looking at Seven when he said it, and saw that she did not share Kathryn's surprise. Tuvok also seemed unmoved. Kathryn shook her head, trying to think back to anything either Paris or Torres had said over the past few days, that hinted at feeling that way.

Of course, Admiral Janeway had given them no time to process the ramifications of taking a shortcut home.

It led to thinking about her other officers, and their journeys home.

"Tuvok -- have you arranged for the fal-tor-voh?" His condition had been one of the reasons that Admiral Janeway had violated the Temporal Prime Directive.

"My family are on their way to Earth, as I will be delayed by the debriefings in going to Vulcan," he said, matter-of-fact as usual. "Is there a reason this is pertinent?"

"I was curious -- concerned for you, but also wondering if you're willing to help me."

"So are we going after them?" Harry exclaimed.

"Are you going to talk them into returning? Arrest them for taking _Voyager_?" Seven's questions could have been the blunt force trauma she'd so often delivered up in conversation, but there was a wry humor to them, and also acknowledgement that there wasn't much that could be done. It led Kathryn to a place that was perhaps inevitable, once she'd stopped reeling in shock and started to really think this through. She really didn't have a ship, didn't have the support of Starfleet, didn't have an idea of where Chakotay could have gone for supplies and repair outside Starfleet. So there were limited possibilities

"I have a lot of leave accumulated," she said. "And I could be at Deep Space Nine within a week by catching rides with Starfleet vessels. There are ships for hire, there are traders going into the Gamma Quadrant. And...." Kathryn smiled, thinking about it. "Maybe they aren't answering hails. But maybe they might look at messages, if they're sent by the right person. I'm not going to ask anyone to go with me."

"Captain," Harry scolded.

She turned to look him in the eye. "You need to understand that this isn't a Starfleet mission, and it's not going to be easy. But I don't believe for a minute that Chakotay would have done this without credible information -- and if Starfleet isn't doing anything to help those people, and they need help, then someone should help them."

"I want to go with you," Harry said firmly.

"You are determined to go?" Seven asked. "Even if Starfleet does not permit you to?"

Kathryn thought about the news she'd read, the much-diminished Owen Paris, and the missive from her own mother -- Gretchen Janeway was on Betazed helping with the recovery effort on that world, as it had been invaded and devastated during the war. Phoebe was with her. They were on the way back to Earth but it would take time. They were the only people who would miss her if she left.

She missed Chakotay -- she missed the first officer whose input she had come to rely on, and he was out there chasing down rumors of people who needed freeing, damn him. Maybe Tuvok was right and she was letting her emotions drive her. But sitting here doing nothing was unacceptable.

"There are a few things I need to do first," Kathryn said.

"I'll go with you," Harry insisted. " _Voyager_ is my home."

That gave her pause. "Harry?"

He wasn't young, any more. He'd long ago lost the uncertainty and hesitance. She'd put in recommendation for his immediate promotion as he'd been an ensign too long. But his determination now surprised her. "Captain, it doesn't feel _right_ , here," he said, waving at the window, at Starfleet housing and probably everything beyond it. "I know we needed to get back to the Alpha Quadrant. But from the people I've talked to, the ones who aren't from _Voyager_ , I think it's changed a lot more than we expected here. Everyone's focused on defenses and fighting. I started to talk about some of what we went through, and immediately people started to ask, do you think the Kazon are coming to the Alpha Quadrant... it's like everyone is expecting the entire universe to show up here and invade Earth. I don't think I'll be able to do what I thought I wanted to do when we got back. So I might as well go with you. Tom and B'Elanna, and the others on _Voyager_ , that's where I belong, not here."

"I believe you are all aware that, as the Doctor pointed out, returning to Earth after years in the Delta Quadrant will result in most of the crew, particularly the human officers, experiencing extreme emotional reactions. I would request that you consider that Chakotay, as well as yourselves, are caught up in this," Seven said. "The Doctor cautioned all of us not to make important decisions until we have settled and moved past the initial emotional reaction to returning."

Kathryn found herself smiling as she looked down at that pathetic little green rug, her hands again on her hips as she tried not to laugh. "Oh... I doubt that the Doctor meant this. Chakotay didn't just react out of emotion. And neither am I. I'll admit that it shocked me and I'm more than a little upset with them, but looking at the situation here and the past newsfeeds about the war, knowing that they all had family and friends in the Demilitarized Zone who died in the Dominion War -- I can see how Chakotay and the others would swiftly conclude that the fastest and most expedient way to go, the one vessel with sufficient armaments to make it at all possible to succeed, was the one we got here in, and the window of opportunity to take it was narrow. They had to get in before the command codes changed, while we were still officially crew. I admit that I did ask for _some_ information about the Dominion War when we had monthly datastreams, but I prioritized family and friends, and sending my reports to Starfleet. Chakotay clearly had contact with his own friends, including ones who somehow survived their experiences in the war, and I would assume so did the others who were former Maquis. Reverse our positions -- think about what we would do in their shoes, if our old shipmates were in a prison somewhere. I know that I would go to their rescue. Wouldn't you? Because that's what we did for each other in the Delta Quadrant. Isn't it?"

"Then you approve of what they are doing. Are you requesting our help?" Seven asked.

"Would you be willing to come with me?" Kathryn turned around to address Tuvok. "I don't expect you to forgo the procedure you need, or time with your family. Please don't sacrifice that. But I think Chakotay, as suddenly as he acted to take the ship, isn't going to go about it recklessly. He wants his effort to succeed with minimal losses. I think he's going to take some time to gather resources and plan. So I'm going to make another attempt to communicate with him and if I can't get him to respond, I'm going to find a way to Deep Space Nine, because it's the one place I know he'll have to be -- it's where the wormhole is."

Harry, now standing with crossed arms, nodded. "And I'm coming with you."

She gazed at him sadly, thinking about how excited he'd been to be back on Earth. "Thank you, Harry. But if you change your mind in the time it will take to prepare, I won't be upset. You still have to debrief within the next week or so."

"I will come as well," Seven announced, rising from her chair. 

"Oh -- thank you," Kathryn said with a smile.

"There is time for me to be certain Icheb is enrolled in the Academy and has a place in the dorms, as planned. And I do want to understand what Chakotay and the others are doing. I do not believe we have adequate information."

Tuvok came to his feet and put his hands behind his back. "I trust that you will keep me informed?"

Kathryn smiled at each of the three of them. "I will schedule another staff meeting within the week, prior to my departure. Thank you... and if any of you happens to find other members of our crew who are interested in 'sightseeing' with us, I'm open to that."

Harry smirked. "You're going to need a ship by the time we leave."

"And if somehow I do manage to come up with one, you'll be the first to know," Kathryn said, squeezing his shoulder. "It might even be your first outing as a first officer. Civilian style."

"Captain," Tuvok began, the usual urgent warning in his tone.

"Noted, Mr. Tuvok," she said airily, waving a finger at him. "By now I am very, very aware. We can't go into this blindly. Which is why I'm not even going to try. We'll talk again soon."


	5. Chapter 5

The apartment felt empty without Chakotay, now.

Kathryn paced through the three rooms with the computer reciting information she called up, in its pleasant voice -- she changed it, from the chirpy fake-happy female voice to a male baritone, warm, and only after an hour of listening to a summary of the recovery effort so far did she realize she had chosen a voice that sounded eerily like Chakotay's.

The night after meeting with Tuvok, Harry and Seven, she had been restless and paced in the light of the moon through the wall of windows in the living room. She got her first cup of coffee at dawn along with a replicated _Crepes Suzette_ , and two cups of coffee later, after sifting through messages and finding nothing more from Chakotay, composed three of her own. One to his sister, one to him, and one to her mother. Each carefully worded.

Her first response came while she was investigating the possibility of catching a ride with a Starfleet vessel, listing all those currently in the Sol system. Starfleet officers on leave were able to travel on vessels that happened to be heading where they wanted to go, and there were plenty going out to the Bajoran sector. The double-chirp interrupted the recitation of vessels.

"Computer, pause. Answer the call."

"Captain Janeway? This is Sekaya. I received your message."

"I'm glad you called," Kathryn said into the air, coming to a stop in front of the window and staring out at the white cirrus clouds filling the sky. "I had hoped we would meet soon, but I'm afraid that won't be possible for a while yet."

"My brother told me about you," the warm alto informed her, "and I got a message from him yesterday that said he wouldn't be able to meet me after all, because he was going to the Gamma Quadrant. I was a little surprised by that, as you could imagine."

"I'm not sure how much he's told you," Kathryn said, "but I'm trying to understand his motivation for it."

"I understand it fine. If there are people in those facilities in the Gamma Quadrant he wants to rescue them. People have tried before, they haven't come back. Sveta and several others we know among them."

Kathryn froze in place, arms tightly crossed. "So there are people going out there and not _coming back?_ "

"I'd go myself, if I had any resources. I'm not what you would call a wealthy woman. I returned to Dorvan, to attempt to re-establish the colony. At the moment I'm at a starbase collecting supplies for our community. So I took the opportunity to respond to your message before I started back. To answer your question -- I wish I had more information on what he's up to, because I'm worried about him too, now that I have your message and his telling me he's about to do something really risky. But I don't. Are you going to go looking for him? Or is Starfleet?"

"I'm not clear yet on what Starfleet has in store, but I...." It occurred to her that this was an unsecure channel, and she reworded. "I'm thinking of taking some time off and doing a little exploring. Maybe I'll hear from him. If I do I'll let you know."

There was amusement in Sekaya's voice as she responded, that suggested the message was received. "And I'll do the same, if I hear from him. Thanks, Captain."

"Call me Kathryn. Thank you, Sekaya."

"I hope you enjoy your explorations. Safe travels, Kathryn." The channel closed with a chirp.

Kathryn sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose, turned away from the window, and headed to the replicator in the small kitchen. "Computer, one dose of analgesic." After administering it to herself, she replicated soup, and considered what to do next. While she sat at the window watching the clouds in the sky sipping tomato bisque, she was surprised by the door chime. She set aside the cup on the way to answer, thinking it might be a reporter. No one knew where she was save Tuvok, Seven and Harry.

When she brought up the visitor's image on the console next to the door, she was shocked. She tapped the panel and the door slid back to reveal Owen Paris. Still tired-looking, and out of uniform -- dressed all in black. He didn't smile as he greeted her. "Kathryn. I'm sorry to disturb you."

"Come in," she exclaimed, standing back, waving him inside. "How did you find me?"

"I went to Starfleet Housing -- the little apartment you were assigned is next door to your former security officer's, and he came out to inform me that ringing for entry was futile. When I told him I had information for you that I thought you needed to help you decide what to do next, he gave me this address." Owen glanced around the apartment. 

"We're the only ones here. I've been catching up. Learning more about the Dominion War and trying to understand the lay of the land, before I decide how to move on with my life," she said, returning to the kitchen. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, no, I'm fine. Come sit down."

They settled in the living room, and as she sat in one of the two chairs facing the couch, he perched on the edge of a couch cushion facing her over the coffee table and met her gaze with a seriousness that surprised her.

"Have you told anyone at Command that you are here instead of in Starfleet Housing?"

"No," she replied, not liking that question's implications. "Why?"

"I want you to know first that I've resigned from Starfleet," he announced.

" _What?_ I don't understand," she cried in dismay. He held up a hand, fingers spread, forestalling further reaction.

"I'm still bound by the oath I swore not to reveal anything that's classified to you or anyone else. I can't tell you anything about orders to keep you in the dark about anything that's been going on in the Gamma Quadrant, and I can't verify that they've sent ships to intercept _Voyager_. I can't tell you that anyone is waiting to see how you fare in the debriefings before revealing anything that might help you find Chakotay, and I certainly would never reveal to you anything that suggested that I was ordered to keep you in the dark about anything." Owen's stern expression and angry eyes said volumes, as did his tightly-controlled and tense tone of voice. "But my son is out there along with my granddaughter, and I've heard enough of your reports and logs to know that those are good people who are with them. And I know, from information that I was not privy to until yesterday, that the theory your former first officer has is not just a theory."

She cleared her throat lightly, trying to settle her rising anxiety at the risk he was taking. "Owen -- "

"I've always been Starfleet, Kathryn, and I've always done my best to abide by its principles. I never thought I would see a time when we started to wander -- when Command would let things slide, because resources were scarce or people were scared. I'm going home to be with Julia. I wish I could offer you more. I don't _officially_ understand why Starfleet would hold you at arm's length, though it could be that they suspect your story -- being rescued by a version of yourself from the future isn't exactly what one could expect, is it? Especially given the fact that we know there are Temporal Investigations officers from the future who have in the past intervened whenever violating the Temporal Prime Directive takes us off course. Yet you didn't mention any such appearance."

"Then I suppose their absence might mean that Admiral Janeway _didn't_ take us off course," Kathryn said with a smile. "So you are -- you _aren't_ telling me that I should help Chakotay. And of course, I should expect Starfleet is 'looking after my best interests' in this matter? Am I going to be promoted into some obscure department to be kept out of space?"

Owen sat up a little straighter, bracing himself, taking a deep breath and giving her a piercing stare. "I really can't tell you what the fleet admiral intends to offer you. I can imagine though, how many frightened admirals might not want full disclosure of how thinly spread the fleet may have become, in the event that a major invasion of the Alpha Quadrant simultaneously destroys too many vessels and kills too many officers. I was, after all, in charge of a small project to communicate with a single vessel in the Delta Quadrant. Not even attempting to develop communications equipment that had other uses, such as more immediate long range communications with, say, some vessel that could be in a different quadrant. My awareness of the bigger picture in the Federation became quite limited, the longer the war went on. Compartmentalizing information shared was important, so that enemy forces weren't able to access it. I can only speculate that no one really knows the full story, the actual state of Starfleet, and that if the population of the Federation were fully aware it might be devastating. Starfleet needs good officers, Kathryn. We need _so much more than we have_."

She took a moment to sift through what he was saying. "Is the war _really_ over?"

Owen slid back and crossed his legs, and pointedly said nothing at all. Merely gazed at her with serious tight-lipped frustration.

"I could guess that there might be some mopping up to do, that there might be smaller factions or... remnants? of the Dominion left behind. I could imagine that these Jem'hadar might even be lingering on, perhaps genetically resequenced to become tools of some other species? How much infrastructure might be left to be used by other species now that the Dominion has collapsed?"

"You've been doing a lot of thinking," he replied with a tight smile. "It might be that Command doesn't understand yet where you stand. You might find you have more access to information when they have some verification that you aren't running rogue, with the Temporal Prime Directive or any other directive."

"So, someone believes that Chakotay may be operating under my orders?" Kathryn frowned. That hadn't occurred to her. Then she remembered Harry's mention of the general paranoia he'd faced, and considered how that might manifest itself in the ranks. "Does Command think that I sent _Voyager_ away under a pretext of rescuing people, to avoid scrutiny?"

"I see you're getting an idea that the general level of anxiety here on Earth might be influencing opinions," Owen said with an approving nod. "You might even be thinking that there's a difference of opinion in how to handle _Voyager_ 's return, in the admiralty. It would be bad public relations to be very open in scrutinizing the returning heroes. It's also going to be challenging to have you asking questions that have classified answers."

"So I should be reassuring. Not questioning. I should ask if there's been any progress in finding Chakotay, and be disapproving of his betrayal. And maybe I did send _Voyager_ away, to keep the upgrades from becoming a violation of the Temporal Prime Directive."

Owen kept nodding. "Are you scheduled to meet with them again?"

"I was instructed to return after they speak to Tuvok and Harry today. It was supposed to be Chakotay, instead of Tuvok, but they changed the schedule for obvious reasons."

"So you'll go later today. I hope you forget everything I never told you before you go."

Kathryn rose with him, and stepped around the coffee table. "Thank you, for not telling me anything. I appreciate your visit -- it's lonely here. I appreciate visits from good friends."

Owen took her hand, held it up, squeezed her fingers. "Please bring my son home."

"I'll do my best, Admiral."

He dropped her hand and left, not looking back, not smiling -- he knew he'd risked court-martial to do it. Kathryn thought about Admiral Janeway -- it was sobering for her to be confronted by the Admiral's certainty, her admission that she had become less idealistic, less stubborn and self-righteous. Sobering to think of the compromise the admiral would have made, sending them back to Earth without taking the chance of neutralizing the Borg threat. In fact, the Borg had pursued them through the conduit, threatening Earth. Had the admiral not agreed to the compromise plan of destroying the Borg hub, the end result might have been a fleet of cubes following them back to invade the Federation.

Had the admiral, in the original timeline, returned to a later version Starfleet that grew out of this hypervigilant, paranoid state some years from now, and become acclimatized to a culture that had become more likely to compromise principles, less idealistic? Was that how Admiral Janeway had become so comfortable with such a drastic solution to getting them home?

Kathryn went back to stand at the window. The clouds had cleared. 

_Course laid in. Full speed ahead._

"Computer. Record a message to Commander Chakotay." Hopefully, he would respond to this one. 


	6. Chapter 6

Kathryn took the offered seat in Hayes' office. "I'm supposed to be in the briefing room in an hour."

"Yes, Nechayev has a few more questions," Hayes said, bringing her a cup of coffee, black, as requested. He shuffled around the end of his desk -- an old style wooden one, lacquered oak judging from the color -- and took a seat, folding his hands and resting his forearms on the desktop. "I wanted to check in with you, see how you're doing."

This was day five. She'd sorted through records and news for hours, ignored the appeals for interviews piling up in the computer, done a little checking into current Starfleet hierarchy, and contacted a few captains of vessels scheduled to depart in the next three days to see about finding a ride. Tuvok's family had arrived and was spending time with him, Harry was doing his own research project, and Seven saw to installing Icheb in his dorm upon completion of his enrollment in the Academy. The remaining senior staff member not accounted for was the Doctor; she knew he had to be somewhere on Earth, but she had not gotten a response to her attempts to contact him. It was worrying, as his legal status as a life form had not yet been confirmed.

"I'm doing fine, Admiral. Thank you for your concern." She smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry I was a little jumpy and tense, before. It's been an alarming sequence of events -- one minute we're cruising along through the Delta Quadrant thinking of home, the next we're here, and before I know it there's an insurrection and the vessel I've been on for years is flying away again. It's taken a few days to settle out."

"I can see you're recovering -- you have an appointment with a counselor, I hope."

She'd had the physical at Starfleet Medical yesterday, and hadn't scheduled the psychological assessment that the doctor had prescribed as a next step to going back on duty. "I'm actually thinking of taking an extended leave and doing that when I get back. Visit my mother on Betazed, go to Bajor -- I've never been there, we had no time to stop and sightsee when we passed through on the way to the Badlands, and after reading everything about the war and the wormhole, I thought I'd go visit a temple and do some meditating, maybe take one of the wormhole tours. It sounds like a fantastic experience, doesn't sound like any wormhole I've seen before." And all of it was true -- she simply left out that she would be on a self-guided tour into the Gamma Quadrant, if she had to do that to find Chakotay and _Voyager_. Kathryn kept her tone casual and leaned back in the chair, legs crossed, holding her cup and taking a sip as she finished speaking. Watched Hayes take it in with his benign, carefully-composed smile.

"That actually sounds like a good idea. You must have accumulated plenty of leave, no one would begrudge you the time."

"I was a little shocked, you know?" She continued to adopt the carefree, casual and almost-dismissive attitude. Hopefully it would loosen up Hayes. She regretted the manipulation, but there weren't any other options she could see. At least she didn't have to lie. "We weren't told very much about the war. I only heard bits and pieces in personal correspondence in our monthly data stream. I have to wonder if that's why Chakotay made the assumptions that led to taking _Voyager_. I know that he received messages from his old Maquis compatriots about what happened to most of their movement. Since we didn't get a full picture...."

Hayes' wary expression vanished, and he smiled. "You're probably right. The war has been over for months, and we're _still_ correcting rumors. Last week there was an article that made it all the way to one of the major media outlets before it was fact-checked. Someone claimed they saw a Changeling, of all things, on one of the starbases."

Kathryn nodded sagely. "Of course, there's no way to know there are not actually Changelings still roaming around, is there? Can't they mimic anyone?"

"We have a small fleet stationed around the wormhole and an array of surveillance satellites, the checkpoint uses the best scanners available. A tachyon grid defeats cloaking devices and anyone going through files a flight plan -- we're starting to see trade vessels establishing regular routes. And we have surveillance satellites around the planet of the Founders as well."

"I find the idea of an organism able to become _anything_ fascinating -- it's probably not possible to look at the data, but I'd love a look at the physical structure of such a being." Kathryn drank more of her coffee -- a mediocre brew, at best. "I'm glad Starfleet is being so vigilant. No doubt the danger was high, during the war. Have you heard anything? About _Voyager_ , I mean. Surely they've found her by now."

Hayes' smile became more forced. "We've received reports that the vessel was spotted in the Volans sector, by a science vessel surveying a system there."

"You're not actively pursuing her?"

Hayes shrugged. "They have to show up somewhere, sometime. If the message he left for you was accurate they'll try and fail to use the wormhole. The _Malinche_ will intervene and take them into custody."

"You get to know people pretty well, on a long deployment," Kathryn said. Despite her continued easygoing delivery, she noticed Hayes tense up. "But I had no hint that Chakotay would be disloyal." 

"We had some shocking betrayals, during the war and just before. Ben Maxwell. Cal Hudson. Michael Eddington was making good progress toward command. Chakotay was but one of many," Hayes said. "And at the risk of sounding like a sympathizer, I can see how they got there. No one cared for the compromises that we sometimes had to make. And then there was Admiral Leyton... he went through his court-martial insisting he was taking necessary steps, to ensure the security of Earth. He was a friend of mine, too. I had to recuse myself."

"I read about Leyton. He believed there were Changelings in key positions on Earth. Wasn't he right, in the end?"

"That doesn't justify sabotaging Earth's power sources and intentionally causing worldwide panic in order to institute martial law," Hayes said. He leaned back in the chair, finally showing signs of relaxing. It suggested he might have decided she wasn't a risk. So did telling her what he knew about _Voyager_. "I'm glad you're taking the time off. Re-orienting yourself will only help you -- you'll have a lot of good opportunities, now that you're home. Quite a feather in your cap to survive seven years in the Delta Quadrant without Starfleet support. You know, there are plans to send vessels out toward the Delta Quadrant the old-fashioned way. You'll probably get your choice of them if you want."

"I'm putting off that decision until I get back. But thanks for the tip." Kathryn put her empty cup on the edge of his desk. "Thanks for the coffee -- I'm going to find the briefing room."

"Of course. Maybe I'll see you later, after the meeting."

Kathryn left him there and, once his office door shut behind her, hurried down the corridor. She was on the tenth floor, but there was a balcony off the lounge. It was interesting, being in this building surrounded by offices with views of the bay and the city, yet feeling trapped. On the balcony she gripped the railing in both hands and leaned forward, catching the breeze in her face. She closed her eyes and thought about being on _Voyager_ with Chakotay and the rest of her crew, about birthday parties, talent nights, Neelix's broadcasts....

She wondered how Neelix was doing. Now that they were in the Alpha Quadrant it didn't seem likely that she would ever find out.

Everyone was so scattered -- even though so many of the crew were still here on Earth, it felt like they were all light-years away. There wasn't a common context any more. And some had already moved out of temporary housing. Sam and Naomi were on their way to see Greskrendtregk. Several others had gone home, to various continents on Earth.

Her thoughts went to Chakotay, for the first time in a few hours. Being busy made it easier. She hadn't heard from him, so when she allowed herself to think about what he was doing, her imagination took over. At least Starfleet didn't seem in a hurry to take them into custody. Or maybe he and his rebel crew had just gotten that good at hiding an entire starship. They'd had enough practice, in the Delta Quadrant.

As she turned to go back inside, her badge alerted her to an incoming call. "Kim to Janeway."

"Yes, Harry?"

"I've been approved for leave so I'm ready to go any time."

"Good. I'm about to go into the next phase of debriefing, so I'll contact you later today with an estimated departure. I want you to do a little research, look up any recent mentions of Changelings in the news. Janeway out."

When she reached the briefing room, Nechayev was approaching from the opposite direction. "Captain. Shall we?" The fleet admiral waved her inside.

Kathryn went in, bracing herself for the questions to come. Hopefully they would be about things she actually remembered, rather than the things she didn't, such as the time she'd evolved and had children....


	7. Chapter 7

Further research, mostly conducted by an algorithm Seven created to circumvent the risk of further scrutiny if their computer use were being monitored, revealed that they could purchase a vessel to use in their search in systems on the fringes of the Federation. Kathryn knew there were unallied worlds that some Federation planets traded with; she knew there had to be a mechanism by which transactions were made. Harry eagerly offered up his years of backpay, and Tuvok surprised her by doing the same. Between the three of them it was more than enough.

Kathryn asked, because she had to, why Seven was giving up the opportunity to be with her aunt and build a career at Daystrom, or any of the other institutions which would certainly welcome her. Why Tuvok was signing up for an off-the-books mission instead of going home with his wife. "You require assistance," Tuvok said, "because you are unlikely to succeed without it." A variation of Seven's response. She could only give them a brittle smile, as she tried not to cry. The more days passed, the more hours that she was not Captain Janeway of the starship _Voyager_ , the more difficult it was becoming to hold herself up. To speak calmly, to breathe. The tightness in her chest seemed to be increasing daily.

On the tenth day after _Voyager_ was stolen, they hitched a ride on the USS _Molina_ to Rigel, took a public transport from there, and hired a small vessel to get them the rest of the way to a colony called Freecloud. It wasn't a Federation colony by any stretch of the imagination. A huddle of several hundred cargo containers retrofitted with doors and windows, gathered in a field. The designated space port was a stretch of open ground where shuttles and small vessels would land. The person they had to find was one Daffdar Molbus, of unknown species.

"You're sure about this," Kathryn muttered as they slowly walked the graveled street, their boots kicking up dust.

Seven wore a black shawl, wrapped over her head and obscuring the left side of her face, so it took effort for her to turn and look at Kathryn, walking next to her. "I am not. However, it was the option that did not involve Starfleet."

"This reminds me of a lot of the places we went in the Delta Quadrant," Harry said, as they went past three ragged-looking people of a species Kathryn didn't recognize.

"There," Tuvok said, pointing -- off to the left. A larger cargo container painted black emblazoned with a purple Q on the door. There were other symbols as well. 

Kathryn drew her hand beneath the heavy black wrap to hold the weapon she'd strapped to her chest. Tuvok, all in black, went in first; she followed, with Harry at her back. Seven waited outside, as she'd insisted that someone should keep watch.

"AAHH, welcome to Quark's Shipyards," the creature at the desk called out in Standard. "I am Daffdar Molbus, the manager of our Freecloud division." He was short, encased in folds of gray skin, and the long ear flaps and two-foot proboscis reminded Kathryn of an absurd Dali-esque elephant. He waved four fat fingers, gesturing them closer.

"We have arrangements to purchase a ship," Harry said. He held out a padd with the information on it.

Daffdar's beady black eyes squinted through the folds at it. "Yes, yes. I see the transaction is done. MACHI!" His manner changed, to loud and rough. Tossing the padd on the desk, his head swiveled right a few inches. "Machi, take these fine people to their ship! The big one!"

A Ferengi skidded into the room from a tattered gray curtain to the right, collided with the end of the desk, and recovered. He stammered something in Ferengi. Then he blinked at them, smiled broadly, and bowed. "Wellllcommmme," he cooed. " _This_ way."

He walked them back outside, paused a moment to eye Seven, who glared at him disdainfully. They followed him around the building and out into the field, walking between small ships. The largest in the row was a long boxy model with nacelles similar in size to a Starfleet runabout. The Ferengi held up a hand, pressed a palm-sized control, and a door creaked open, then a ramp extended and unfolded. Machi waved both arms dramatically as if sweeping them inside.

"We will inspect the vessel and return to complete the transaction if it is acceptable," Seven announced sternly. "You will go now."

He bobbed and bowed, then scurried away.

"I wish Chakotay had responded to your messages," Harry said, shaking his head as he surveyed the exterior.

"I will examine weapons and defenses," Tuvok said. "Mr. Kim, if you would run a diagnostic on the sensors and guidance systems?"

"I will examine the engines," Seven said, with less ire now that the Ferengi was gone.

"I guess that leaves me to check out the rest -- hopefully there are medical facilities and quarters, and a mess hall," Kathryn said.

They let her go in first, and as she moved down the corridor lights came on. The rooms were laid out along the corridor but at the front of the ship, the bridge spanned the width of it. A viewscreen occupied the front end. Four seats along a console were the extent of the controls, and three more seats were bolted to the bare metal floor a few paces behind them.

Kathryn sighed and sat down in the middle seat, slumping back and gazing up at the ceiling. "Computer," she said, almost whispering.

"Working," the tinny voice responded.

She laughed -- hunching forward, shaking her head, the mirth replaced by a sob suddenly.

"Captain?"

In the distance she could hear the footfalls of the others on the decking. But Tuvok moved into the bridge quietly. He wore a black tunic over tight pants, and soft shoes instead of boots like the others. He stood over her, not too close.

"I'm sorry," she said sadly. "This is so ridiculous. I was just remembering the _Val Jean_ and our mission into the Badlands."

"The irony of this reversal has occurred to me as well. But you made it clear that the admirals were very suspicious of your desire to pursue _Voyager_. This was still the logical course of action, if you are determined to take action."

"I don't want to drag any of you into this, Tuvok," she said wistfully, knowing it wouldn't do any good.

"You did not 'drag' any of us. You made it plain from the beginning, seven years ago when we recognized that we were stranded in the Delta Quadrant, that we are a family. Why should it surprise you that we agree?"

She pressed her fingers over her lips and nodded. "Thank you, Tuvok," she managed.

"I will complete my assessment of our defenses. Perhaps you should investigate the remainder of the ship."

He sat down at the console and began bringing up data. Kathryn watched him for a moment, sitting up straighter, feeling a little more like herself for the first time in a week. It was not her bridge, but it was a bridge. Glancing right, she saw a twin of the first corridor on the right, and went to investigate.


	8. Chapter 8

Kathryn washed her face, left the tiny bathroom, and went back to the bridge.

Inspection had revealed the vessel to be sufficient to the task at hand. They wouldn't be facing any Borg cubes, she hoped -- it would be adequate to get them through space at warp five, hopefully they would find _Voyager_ before she broke down. After the transaction was finalized, Machi had asked how they wished to register the vessel. In a moment of dark humor, she named it _Adéquat --_ adequate, in French. Not a name to go down in history, but accurate.

"We are ready to launch whenever you are ready, Captain," Seven said from the helm/weapons console. 

Kathryn stood behind Tuvok, who was working at the console in front of him. "I am assuming that Chakotay will not use Starfleet channels, if he is communicating with anyone at all," he said. "I am reconfiguring to monitor a range of frequencies and preprogramming security codes utilized by the Maquis."

"Thank you, Tuvok. Do we have clearance for takeoff?"

"Mr. Kim went to determine that procedure," Seven said. She spun her chair about, hands folded in her lap. "Would this be a good time?"

"I think it would."

Seven took the mobile emitter from her pocket and turned it on. The Doctor flickered into being -- arms up, eyes wide, and mid-sentence. " -- to do this! I demand to speak to your -- " He stopped shouting and looked around. "Captain? Seven? Where are we? What happened?"

"Doctor, it's good to see you," Kathryn exclaimed, relieved to find he was all right. "I'm so sorry it took so long. We didn't think it was safe to bring you online until we had a safe place to do so. Welcome to the crew."

"You're not in uniform. Where is this?" He turned about in place. "This is definitely not a Starfleet vessel!"

"It is not," Tuvok said, turning his chair around. "Your emitter was being studied in a Starfleet lab. It has been ten days since _Voyager_ landed in San Francisco. Seven had to agree to speak to Starfleet Sciences about the Borg to obtain a tour of the lab and find your emitter, and successfully smuggled you out." In fact, she'd left a replica of the emitter to delay detection. Kathryn was surprised no one had discovered it more quickly and questioned her about it. As it turned out, the admirals viewed the Doctor and the emitter as Starfleet property, and Kathryn's appeals had fallen on deaf ears. It had been part of what justified her current course of action, in her mind. She could find an attorney later to explore the slower, more agonizing process of proving he was a sentient life form. Seven had found out the lead scientist intended to take the emitter apart in an effort to duplicate it, and that would have killed the Doctor.

The Doctor stood still for a moment. "Please explain to me why you are not in uniform, and why we are on this strange vessel."

"It's a long story. Have a seat." Kathryn gestured at the chair next to her.

As he obeyed, boots hitting the decking preceded Harry's return. He came to a stop and grinned at the Doctor. "Doc! Good to see you! We're ready for takeoff, Tuvok. I even have a lead on _Voyager_ \-- I had a few drinks with Machi, he's actually a cousin of the current Nagus, and he was happy to discreetly ask around about which yards sell parts suitable for an Intrepid class vessel. The Nagus' brother Quark has a shipyard on fifteen of these border worlds, and the one on Decellis sold six photon torpedoes to a 'tall guy with a tattoo.'"

Kathryn grinned up at her former ops officer. "Good work! Let's plot a course," she exclaimed, feeling the tension ease for the first time in a week. "Once we're under way we can give you the rundown, Doctor."

Seven turned to lay in the course. As the engines spun up, as the ship left the ground, the entire bridge trembled and groaned. 

"Are you all right, Captain?"

Kathryn realized she'd started to cry. Smiling, she turned to her friend, who looked just as he always had. "Better than I've been all week, Doctor. It stopped feeling real, but now it's starting to again. Now that we're going home."


	9. Chapter 9

By the time they got to Decellis, Kathryn's heart seemed to be stuck in her throat. They dropped out of warp and approached the third planet at full impulse, and Seven hailed on an open channel while Tuvok scanned for other ships in orbit. 

"There are six vessels in orbit, but none of them is _Voyager_ ," Tuvok said. "Nor are any of them Starfleet."

"I don't think we need to land if there's no indication they're still here. What about the planet's surface?" Kathryn asked.

"Negative -- there are vessels in the shipyards but none of them are Starfleet." Seven ran another scan. Paused. "There is a vessel that appears to be made of the same alloys as _Voyager_. The transponder is not registering Starfleet, however."

"Then I guess there's only one way to find out. Take her down," Kathryn exclaimed, grabbing the arms of her chair. The launch from Freecloud had been rough, the landing would be equally so. The _Adéquat_ was older than she was.

It was impossible to get a look at anything, with the ship in motion. Difficult to wait patiently, but at least they were grounded and the engines idling when she stood. Harry, seated at her left, got up too. "You should let me go take a look around," he said. "Even out here there might be someone who knows what you look like. Your face was in the newsfeeds and probably still is."

"Mr. Kim's abundance of caution is warranted," Tuvok said as he finished shutting down systems to conserve power. "I will go with him."

"What about the rest of us?" the Doctor blurted, leaping out of his chair.

Seven also stood up, and the five of them faced each other seriously. Kathryn huffed. "Harry and I will go for a walk in the shipyard. Tuvok and Seven will talk to the yard office about whether or not there was an Intrepid class vessel, or anything that looked like one." She reached to pat the Doctor's shoulder. "Unless you have a change of clothing, you should stay here."

"You should contact us if you see anything suspicious," Harry said, handing a small rod to each of them. "These may not be comm badges, but they'll do the job."

"We will return shortly, Doctor," Tuvok said.

Leaving the Doctor to fume on the bridge, Kathryn left the ship with the others, and as she stepped off the ladder last, it retracted behind them. She nodded to the left and Harry went with her further into the yard full of grounded vessels. There were many smaller than theirs, a few that were the same or larger, but she didn't see _Voyager_ anywhere. Harry walked the paved surface with her, around and between the ships, both of them careful to appear casual.

"I can't believe Chakotay just took off without saying anything to you," Harry muttered.

"I've been thinking about that." It wasn't as though she'd been able to sleep much since _Voyager_ disappeared, so she'd been mulling over the problem of Chakotay for hours each night. She still had difficulty believing he would leave her that way. "I wonder if he didn't anticipate that I would need more convincing than he had time for. I've always clung to Starfleet principles, come what may. Always insisted that we would be a Starfleet crew. If he had delayed in the decision to take the ship he would have lost the opportunity. Talking to me about it had a high probability of resulting in losing _Voyager_ and having to settle for vessels like the one we just picked up. Teams of engineers were probably on their way to the park to take the ship to McKinley when he was taking off in it."

"He might also have wanted you to have plausible deniability," Harry said.

Kathryn came to a halt beneath the nose of a streamlined vessel with long arms holding nacelles out from the main body of the ship. "Plausible deniability?"

"He wanted you to have something that gave you an out if you didn't want to give up Starfleet, or end up in prison."

"I _know_ what it means. And his wording would support that theory, in fact. I'm just...." She stopped breathing for a moment. Had she missed something? She'd spent several days in shock, and another few days making plans, and now they were on a colony off the Federation grid. And from the start she kept feeling like something was eluding her. "Let's finish our walk. I want to get back to the ship and check something."

They completed the circuit of the yards, counting twenty-three vessels sitting on the ground. As they hurried up to the _Adéquat_ the door opened and the steps unfolded. Kathryn hurried up and left Harry behind, running around through the bridge to the other side of the ship to her room. There were four small rooms, one of them meant to be a sickbay but Seven had appropriated it. They were all the same size, approximately, as the closet she'd had in the apartment in San Francisco. Her bag was on the foot of the bunk, which took up most of the space. She sat down on the blanket and opened the bag, to find the small case in which she'd kept the rose. He'd replicated it, which meant that while it was life-like, it wasn't alive. She then opened the case that contained the tricorder and the phaser she'd brought, the two remaining vestiges of Starfleet in her possession. She'd left her comm badge on the counter in the apartment.

Scanning revealed that the stem, rather than being solid, was a slender roll of material. Which was a curious construction for a stem. She pulled off the single leaf and it didn't tear, rather it turned into a strand that opened a seam down the side of the stem, and then she used her thumbnail to unroll it.

Chakotay had written a message on the inside. She grinned, tears streaking her cheeks, and started to laugh.

_My dearest Kathryn,_

_I know that my recording will have upset you but I did not want to implicate you in any way in something that you could not predict, and I knew Starfleet would continue to question you and the others without something that absolved you. B'Elanna, Dalby and Jor were determined to go. The others joined them in agitating to go, and they wanted to take the ship. There was such a narrow window of opportunity. I couldn't see how they would succeed in getting out of Federation space without my help, and I still feel an obligation to protect them. I'm going to keep recommending upgrades -- I'm adamant that we need a cloaking device, and Jor has a lead, thinks we can get it on Tercius Four. I hope that you can catch up to us. If you want to come. I'm sure you have enough vacation accumulated, for an adventure. I know that you know what it's like, to be alone in a foreign land, far from home and family, with no one to rescue us. These people need help. Maybe Starfleet will eventually get around to allocating the resources, maybe they won't. But we can do something now, before more of them die._

_I hope that you are well, I hope that you are not furious with me, I hope that the spirits guide you. I hope that I will see you soon._

_all my love,_

_Chakotay_

Kathryn fished the communicator out of the pocket of her jacket. "Come back to the ship. We're going to Tercius Four."


	10. Chapter 10

Tercius was several decades old, so had more infrastructure than the other non-allied worlds they'd been to. As the _Adéquat_ descended through atmosphere, there was a loud _bang_ that suggested they might be there for longer than they wanted to be.

"Our life support is down," Tuvok announced. He'd turned off the main viewer, and Seven was navigating on instruments as usual. "The ventilation pump is _burning_." His tone turned to disdain, for the state of equipment not up to Starfleet standards.

"I'll go," the Doctor said at once. He hurried off down the corridor to the right, toward the engine room at the back of the ship. For the duration of the three day trip to Tercius, all of them had undergone a crash course in maintaining their "rust bucket." The Doctor had been horrified at the health risks they were riding around with. Leaking lubricant or coolant ducts, old seals and ancient switches -- it was indeed what Tom Paris would have called a "big project."

Kathryn hung on to the arms of her chair until the ship was firmly on the ground. Harry contacted the shipyard to confirm they'd arrived. This world had a different procedure; they wanted an inspector to come aboard and investigate, before anyone could leave the ship. That made sense; the more travelers pass through, the more trouble came along. Viruses, brigands, thieves, and other random mischief could bring a world to its knees.

Harry came back from the hatch with the inspector and introduced him to each of them. The inspector was, of all things, Betazoid. The skinny little man named Sonder had a shaved head and the wide black eyes typical of his species, and an easy smile that immediately put Kathryn on edge. Kathryn stood with the others and waited as Sonder looked at each of them in turn.

"The pump is fixed, I had to -- " The Doctor had started to tell them before fully entering the room, came around the corner, and stared -- at least Seven had been able to change his apparel from out-of-date Starfleet duty uniform to something in subdued blues, so he looked like someone who might not be Federation-affiliated.

"A hologram," Sonder said at once.

"Yes, he's our repair program," Kathryn said immediately, giving the Doctor a stern look.

The Doctor closed his mouth, seemed perturbed just for a few seconds, and said, "Was there anything else that needed repairing?"

"No. Go back to the engine room and go offline," Harry said.

He obeyed, but Kathryn wagered they would hear about his frustration with being treated that way later. It was the best possible outcome, however, that he'd given the inspector nothing to suspect.

Sonder held up a device that he waved around at all of them. "No detectable viruses, bacteria, or toxic substances. Where are you all coming from?"

"We were on Decellis," Harry put in with a smile. "Machi told me there might be some upgrades we're interested in here. And we're looking for someone -- the captain's husband runs a cargo vessel, and we haven't heard from him in so long she's worried about him. We think he might have been here recently."

Kathryn nodded, focusing on concern, trying to not be too proud of Harry's artful dodge into truth and near-truth that concealed the details. "You might have seen him -- he has a tattoo on his face? Tall," she added, holding up her hand.

"Ah, yes, the tattoo -- Chakotay is here." Sonder seemed to be more genuinely happy, revealing that.

"Oh," Kathryn exhaled, putting a hand to her chest -- the relief was so overwhelming, she hadn't recognized just how tightly she'd been holding herself. "We need to find him."

"It's good to know you're not Starfleet," Sonder went on.

She knew he had to sense the jolt that gave her, and likely Harry too from his dubious expression. "Former Starfleet," she said sadly.

It seemed to be enough to reassure. "We've been getting a lot of those. Seems like everyone's getting the bigger picture that there's more going on than Fed news is saying. Anyway -- you'll find his ship four slips from yours, and of course you're welcome to celebrate your joyous reunion at Quark's Intergalactic Ten Star Restaurant -- drinks from a thousand worlds, and cuisine to suit any physiology without adverse consequences!"

Tuvok exchanged a look with Seven. "Captain, if you would like to see him now, we will effect repairs while you are gone."

"I will go supervise the repair hologram, in assessing the engines before our departure," Seven announced.

They were all made masters of deflection, these survivors of the Delta Quadrant. Kathryn nodded to them, and faced Sonder again. "Did we pass?"

"Welcome to Tercius," the man said. "Here you go," he held out a small round object that appeared to be digital, "five thousand credits good in the casino -- Quark's has the most up-to-date in honest gaming equipment, our dabo tables are inspected weekly. And you have one complimentary night in Quark's Ten Star Hotel -- there will be a slight upcharge if you take advantage of our exclusive honeymoon suite, of course."

"Thank you, Mr. Sonder," Kathryn said, genuinely grateful. She held up the device. "I'm sure we'll make good use of this."

The Betazoid nodded and went his way. They all stood watching and then waited, as minutes ticked by. Seven backed over to the console and checked. "He does not appear to be lingering, as there are no life forms within seven meters of the ship. But this computer does not impress me in accuracy, and does not distinguish between species."

"He did not ask for names. It would appear his only concern was as stated -- contagions and discerning intent. So long as we are not a threat to the colony nor causing a disturbance, I suspect we are free to do as we please," Tuvok said.

"So go let Chakotay know we're here," Harry said with a grin. "We'll wait. Might even fix things while you're gone. Not like there isn't plenty to do. Maybe I'll paint my room."

Kathryn didn't need further encouragement. She left, not looking back as the hatch closed behind her. She hurried away from the _Adéquat_ and passed smaller vessels, a few shuttles -- and there sitting within the white lines marked on the dark gray pavement was the Delta Flyer, in a space big enough for a vessel ten times its size.

Of course, he wouldn't just bring _Voyager_. But she grinned at the sight of the sleek little vessel. She approached slowly and touched the hull; it felt warm against her palm. She slid it down to the panel and the computer remembered her -- the door hissed open. She stepped inside, glanced right and left, and went to the front of the vessel, looking at the panels and running her hands over the backs of the chairs.

She heard the soft footfall and spun on her heel, and froze -- Chakotay was holding a phaser aimed at her. At the sight of her face, he too seemed stunned to immobility. Then a smile transformed his face, he dropped the phaser and lunged forward, and she met him halfway to hurry into his arms, almost colliding with him.

He was so warm, and he smelled of some new spice she'd not yet encountered. He held her tightly then stepped back to look at her, chuckling. "You surprised me, breaking into the Flyer without so much as a hello. How are you?"

There was so much to tell him, so much to say -- something in her unwound itself and finally let her start to breathe again. "I don't think I've had a relaxed moment since _Voyager_ landed in San Francisco. It all felt so surreal to me. Not unlike what it felt like to come back aboard after Quarra." He knew very well what that had entailed, since he'd been the only one she'd talked through that experience with... the feelings of having a home, a job, peace and friendship, and Jaffen. Re-adjusting to being Captain Janeway had entailed a lot of emotional work. He'd been very patient with her. He'd been the friend she'd always counted on, and it had been so easy to return to the feelings she'd had on New Earth. And then it had taken time to trust herself, that she should talk to him about that.

But he'd known, before she said a word. He knew her so well.

"I'm glad the message I left wasn't as traumatizing as I was afraid it would be," he said, holding her hands in his.

Kathryn shrugged, embarrassed. "It was, for a while. That little voice in the back of my head that got so used to doubting every friendly person we met whispered that you had been just what you were years ago, a Maquis -- it was really holding on to the idea. But I know you. I know you didn't do this because you only suspect something is wrong, there had to be something real behind what you're doing. And when I asked questions, the wrong ones and then the right ones, I could tell how the admirals thought of me. Owen Paris resigned and came to me, to warn me. I think they are hiding more than we know, and it's driven by the need to keep the peace within the Federation while they focus resources on the borders."

"I can't really say I'm surprised by that," he replied. Turning, he gestured toward the back of the Flyer. She followed him into the rear compartment, where he replicated her a cup of coffee and sat down with her on the bunk. "We've been talking to a lot of people out here. There's a lot of Federation citizens who have lost faith and started to set out on their own. Hearing about, or having friends and family become, Maquis and then die in the effort to keep the Cardassians at bay, lost the 'fleet a lot of credibility. I know what you're going to say, that the complexities of diplomacy with species who have a radically different belief system driving them can be thorny and lead to compromises. But the Dominion War exposed Starfleet's weaknesses. I think people got the picture, that there's more divisiveness in the flag ranks than they thought. That the citizens aren't necessarily as protected as they want us to think."

"I was so happy when we had contact with Starfleet Command. They were so reassuring, until we actually got home." Kathryn leaned against him and sipped -- the coffee tasted just the way it always had, coming from _Voyager_ 's replicators, and it helped her feel at home finally. "Then it was as though they didn't know what to do with us. And then they took the Doctor! We had to smuggle him out of a lab. In the debriefing they kept asking and asking, why we did this, why we did that -- they had our logs. One of the first things we sent when we connected with Pathfinder. They decided, in spite of the logs, in spite of the Doctor coming all the way home to help Dr. Zimmerman, in spite of the things he's done to save our lives and the ship time after time -- he's a tool. Before I left I sent a time-delayed message to Nechayev informing her that I was taking the emitter with me, and that the ship wouldn't be back, because we swore an oath and will preserve the Temporal Prime Directive even if they don't care to, because it's the right thing to do. The upgrades that Admiral Janeway gave us and the emitter shouldn't be here, now. And the proof that we're doing the right thing -- no Temporal Investigations personnel showing up!"

He laughed, kissing her forehead. "Well. That's reassuring. How many people came with you?"

"Seven, Tuvok, Harry. The Doctor of course. We checked with the others, at least the ones who hadn't quit Starfleet and moved on already, to see how they were faring. Sam and Naomi went to spend time with Naomi's father. Some of them may join us." Kathryn sighed, looking down into her cup. "When I look back through the lens of the Delta Quadrant, through every species who lied, cheated or tried to use us... all I can hear when the admirals talk is more of the same. And nothing feels right. I thought being with other Starfleet officers would be reassuring, that we'd finally be all right. But Admiral Hayes wouldn't confirm or deny some of the things I asked about. It felt like they expected me to just accept their decisions on my behalf. I can't see that they're even considering our perspective, especially not after what they did to the Doctor."

Chakotay said nothing. After a few seconds of no response she leaned away a little to look at his face. He noticed, met her gaze sadly. "It sounds like the Delta Quadrant changed _your_ perspective."

She moaned, thinking about conversations she'd had about ethics, Starfleet directives and principles. All the warnings -- instructor-led discussions in Academy classes, that some of the experiences crew would have could change the officer's outlook on life. How attitudes could change, how one had to be careful not to forget one's training and stay true to principles.

The times she had felt pushed to abandoning her own, to save _Voyager_ and the crew.

Admiral Janeway's tired eyes, as she outlined what had to be done. Observing her future self violating directives deliberately and giving her life to do it had been the start of the tightness in her chest, she realized.

"History is always written by the victor," she muttered, looking in Chakotay's sad brown eyes again.

"I'm sorry you lost Starfleet. But I think your version had more gloss, more polish, than mine did," he said.

"I'm not sure I want to leave it, yet. But I'm not sure I want to stay." She set aside what was left of the coffee and turned to slide her arm around him, lean in and put her head on his shoulder.

"It's a good thing you don't have to choose, at the moment. I'm sure it will become clearer."

She thought about the story he'd told her on New Earth, and smiled. "Thank you for humoring me all this time, in thinking you were being Starfleet."

"I was being part of your Starfleet." His quiet humor eased the last tension in her, and she tightened her arms around him.

"Are you going to keep being part of it?"

"That depends. What do you think we should do next?"

"Go on vacation in the Gamma Quadrant? There might be some facilities we can tour. Chakotay... where is _Voyager_?"

"Waiting in a safe place for me to get back with a cloaking device, and her captain," he replied.

"You aren't the captain?"

He chuckled softly. "Now, why would I want to ruin a good thing? Have you thought about what we want to name her? We changed our transponder to erase the Starfleet codes, but we haven't adopted a new name yet."

"Why can't we keep the name? I think it suits her. Have you seen any Starfleet vessels, since you left?"

"There haven't been any battles. We've seen a few on sensors, now and then. They don't seem to actually be pursuing us. I'd guess they expect us to make a run at the wormhole and they'll be able to catch us, because they'll have that tachyon grid to detect cloaked vessels. What they won't anticipate is the holographic cloak that makes us look like a trader."

"How is the baby?"

"Want to see her for yourself? I want to see Harry and the others, and we'll need to find Tabor to let him know it's time to go. I doubt he'll be any more successful at convincing the Ferengi in charge of the shipyards to give us what we need for the money we have."

They stood up, and smiled at each other. "Let me talk to the Ferengi. Or Harry -- he's good friends with the cousin of the Grand Nagus."

"What? _Harry_? How did that happen?"

"I'll let him tell you. He's waiting on -- oh. If we have to rename _Voyager,_ please do it yourself, I'm terrible at naming ships."

"Why do you say that?"

She rolled her eyes dramatically. "The proof is four ships away. Come on, let me give you an adequate tour...."

They left the Flyer and started to walk. He seemed a little startled when she slipped her arm around his waist and kept leaning into him. "Captain?"

"Oh, don't start," she exclaimed. "You know... Harry told Sonder you were my husband. But Sonder didn't catch the lie."

"Aha, so I have to marry you to confirm our cover?"

"Or it wasn't a lie?" 

He responded to her sly retort by stopping in his tracks. She'd never mentioned marriage as a possibility, nor had he. She raised her head to look up at his face, since he wasn't saying anything, and found him gazing at her seriously. She waited for him to speak patiently.

"Is that how you feel?"

Kathryn smiled again. "Would you like to ask Sonder? Or will you take my word for it?"

"I love you, too," he replied, mirroring her smile. 

"Since you're still taking orders from me." Kathryn stood up on tiptoe, wishing she'd worn heels, and thankfully he met her halfway for a kiss. A long one, and someone even went by them, boots scratching the pavement, without a word.

When they resumed walking he left one arm around her tightly. "Is marriage what you want?"

"If I'm made an appropriate proposal, I'll consider it."

He responded to the tease with a chuckle. "Good."

"I'll even spring for the honeymoon suite at Quark's," Kathryn said, trying not to laugh.

"And if we pool our resources, we'll have ten thousand credits at the casino."

She did laugh, at that. "It's good to be _home_ ," she said, resting her head on his shoulder.


End file.
